Happiness is a Warm Gun
by The Wayward Typhoon
Summary: Everybody's favorite combat-ready gynoid has been programmed into Crescent Rose! This can only end so well. (collaboration with TheShadowKittyCat)


Penny Polendina's creator was a brilliant man.

Aside from inventing the first synthetic being capable of generating an Aura, he made certain during construction that even if her body was permanently damaged, her programming and personality could continue to survive in almost any software within the vicinity of her destruction.

A fact that had to be rather quickly explained to Ruby Rose so that she did not suffer a panic attack upon hearing her dead friend's voice emanating from her Scroll.

But once the initial shock had subsided, Ruby quickly put her weapon-crafting know-how to the test, by upgrading her high-caliber sniper-scythe with an onboard CPU that could wirelessly download any program of sufficient size, as well as a small speaker and microphone somewhere around the blade joint, along with a sonar mapping feature so that she could have some spacial awareness. Now, in a sense, she had transformed Penny into her weapon.

And so life proceeded as normal. Well, normal as it could with Ruby, as well as the surviving members of Team JNPR, hunting down a master criminal.

Until one night, things hit a… tipping point of sorts.

* * *

Team RNJR (or JNRR, that was still up for debate) had at last settled for the night, preparing for the task of crossing the Knott Strait to Mistral. Each of the four traveling companions had at least something to keep themselves occupied. Ren was deep in the throes of transcendental meditation, completely sealed off from the outside world. Nora had already bunkered down, exhausted from having to deal with a pack of bandits on top of a Nevermore. Jaune had strayed a bit from the fireside for some "training," which was met with a suspicious eye.

Which left Ruby alone, as it were, to do a little maintenance on her weapon. And by her definition of "a little," this was a full deep-clean and fix-up.

"Ruby, this is the fourth time this week you have cleaned and repaired me to this degree," Penny chirped from her speaker, volume slightly lowered so as not to disturb anyone. "Do you have any particular reason for this level of upkeep?"

"Well, yeah, actually," Ruby said as finished replacing the muzzle. "First off, we're travelling a lot, so this thing gets a little dirtier than usual. Plus, it at least gives me something to do so I don't go stir-crazy out here. And honestly…" It clicked into place, and Crescent Rose was whole again… "I thought you might like the extra upkeep. Seeing as how this weapon is your body and all."

"I am not saying that I do not appreciate it, Ruby." Penny slightly flexed the tip of the blade. "It is just that… Not to bring your care of Crescent Rose into question, but there seems to be traces of suspicious fluids on this weapon. Specifically, around the barrel."

Ruby's silver eyes widened, and she began to blush magnificently. "Wh… What do you mean, 'suspicious?'"

"I am aware that there are usually som amounts of blood and sweat on any weapon that has been used to a sufficient degree, but these fluids do not match that makeup. If I am not mistaken, they seem to be similar to va-"

Ruby rather quickly pressed her hand upon the speaker on the weapon, before looking at Ren, a sense of panic in her eyes. "Penny, could we talk about this somewhere else?"

"Of course."

And in a signature flutter of petals, Ruby was off to a secluded clearing, lined with blooming grass.

"Ruby, I am quite worried to see you this distressed. Was it something I said?"

"Yes, actually!" Ruby quietly squeaked, in an embarrassed tone. "It _was_ something you said, because those 'suspicious fluids,' as you put it, are kind of a _private subject_!"

"Ruby, what exactly do you mean?"

Ruby took a few deep breaths, before speaking again at last. "Penny… you are my closest friend, not to mention my sidearm, so I will tell you this in confidence. Meaning you are never to repeat it outside of this clearing."

"I promise."

"Okay." Ruby folded Penny into her storage form, set her down, and sat down herself. "I assume you are aware of the concept of… teenage hormones."

"My database has some materials on that."

"Then you must also be aware that part of the process is… sexual awakening, and subsequent frustration."

Penny took about a second to process this information. "...Yes."

"And with that comes the need to… alleviate some of that stress. With that said, I have, on occasion, and before you were put into it…" She sighed deeply, and blushed harder, pulling her hood over her face. "…masturbated… with my gun."

It was a full minute before Penny spoke again. "…So then, those fluids were-"

"My cum, yes," Ruby choked out, her face as red as her cloak. "Dear Gav, this is embarrassing…"

"Do not be embarrassed, friend Ruby."

Her eyes peeked out from under her hood. "Hmm?"

"This behavior is entirely normal for someone of your age. At least, according to my sources."

Ruby removed her cloak, and repositioned to a more relaxed stance. "You're taking this extraordinarily well, considering…"

"I take no offense. It is as you said, I had not yet been implemented into this weapon. Though, I must admit… I am quite curious about something."

Ruby tilted her head quizzically. "What?"

"Ruby… How exactly does one masturbate with a gun of this… caliber?"

It seemed impossible for Ruby to blush any more than she was, but she did, matching the color of her cape. "U-uh… Well…" Ruby stuttered, leaning against a tree, looking at her weapon with wide, puzzled eyes.

"Ruby?" Penny asked, a hologram of her face showing on the blade.

Ruby looked away from the weapon, and sighed. "It's… uh." The girl stuttered again, trying to form her words.

"Why don't you show me?"

Ruby froze, staring unblinkingly at Crescent Rose. "What?"

"Show me." Penny said a smile on her face.

Ruby bit her lip, looking over her shoulder towards the way she had came.

The brunette sighed, leaning her head back against the tree before looking back down at the scythe. "You promise you won't tell anyone? And I mean _anyone_?" Ruby asked seeing Penny give a nod, the tip of the blade moving as well. "Okay… Here goes…"

Ruby planted the weapon carefully, sitting on the muzzle, her blush increasing. Her skirt rode up as the cold steel rubbed against her thighs and lightly brushed her panties, making her shiver.

She moved slowly at first, feeling the friction of her weapon, the heat of her body mixing with the cold metallic.

Penny watched, utterly intrigued at what Ruby was doing. She kept watching as Ruby increased her speed, a small moan escaping her mouth.

Ruby brought her thumb up to her mouth, biting down on it to keep from making any louder noises than needed. Her thrusts began to pick up a quicker pace, as she bit down harder, fighting valiantly to hold back her cries of pleasure.

Penny was watching the whole time, eager to take in everything. In her interest, she hummed. What she didn't know was that this hum made Crescent Rose in its entirety vibrate, causing Ruby to squeak in surprise. "Penny? Did you just… vibrate"

"Oh! I'm sorry, Ruby. I didn't hurt you, did I?"

"No… It was…" She smirked, looking her weapon in the "face." "...Pretty good, actually."

Penny smiled as well. "Would you like me to continue that?"

Ruby nodded, gripping the weapon as the vibration picked up again. The buzzing sent electricity through her spine, making her hunch forward, a loud moan escaping her lips. With the added vibration and Ruby continuing her thrusts against the muzzle, it wasn't long before the girl felt herself reach the limit. Ruby gave one final cry as her body shook with pleasure.

As she descended from her high, Ruby folded Penny back into her storage mode, and brought her into her arms.

"We…" she panted. "We may have to do this again sometime."

"I'll always be ready for you… Ruby," Penny said, in a tone that could almost be considered sultry…?

Best for Ruby not to think about it for now.


End file.
